Over the past week I’ve read a lot. And as a result of that I have lots and lots (and lots) in my head, bursting to develop into fully formed thoughts. But they’re not there yet. I’ve also been catching up on podcasts, covering everything from change to different mindsets to blaming people rather than systems. Whoa. Pretty full on, right?

But over and over, this past week has led me back to thinking about making mistakes and using them to grow and learn. I’ve also been thinking about what a journey to success looks like from the outside: linear, with no bumps. Yet we all know that’s just fantasy. No journey to success is without many mistakes, bumps in the road, full scale disaster, redirection, unsettling people (including yourself) and so on.

I was reminded of this Liz Wiseman quote:

For those who haven’t read Liz’ book, Multipliers, I’d highly recommend it.

I suppose being on the outside and looking at someone else’s journey is a difficult thing to do- we are all the heroes in our own lives and on our own journeys, so we have to remember to reframe that, and to recall that everyone is on their own messy, imperfect path with its own pitfalls and misdirection- and remember to be there to support each other along the way.

Although I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and reading about staying curious, part of the reason that I’ve restarted my blog with a focus on my Wednesday posts rather than my running is because I’ve also been doing a deep-ish dive into becoming more comfortable with being uncomfortable, and not painting my exterior persona as being without flaws – it’s ok to just be.

And, with the trajectory we are all on this year there’s one thing I’ve been saying all too regularly: none of us has all the answers, so I’m also trying to open my horizons, share thoughts and let conversations happen. And given my penchant for unleashing my advice monster and demonstrating my ‘save it’ drama persona, I’m also trying to be more vulnerable.

A few months ago I read Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek. Several of the lessons resonated with me, and I was nodding a lot as I read it. It probably helped that that first section focussed on our desire to feel safe- and given the pandemic, I think that has been borne out over the past few months.

But the book also talks about how leaders have to be honest, open and need to keep in touch with reality in order to stay authentic.

This quote is one that I keep reflecting on:

So, when was the last time we admitted to weakness, or to not having all of the answers, or allowing ourselves to be vulnerable?

Probably not often enough.

It’s a journey for many of us.

I love Michael Bungay Stanier. He has a great voice, which is easy to listen to on a podcast. I really value his books, as they are so easy to read, to dip in and out of, and- unusually for business literature- they are actually fun to read.

I’ve read ‘Do More Great Work’, and I’ve read The Coaching Habit’. Twice.

But he unsettles me too. Why? He sees me. Flaws and all. And he know exactly why I have these flaws. To make things worse, he also tells me clearly what I can do to tackle those flaws, and spells it out that hard change is just that- hard to do, but worth doing.

He drills into leadership models I use every single day, including transactional analysis and the Karpman Drama Triangle. I work with someone (not directly) who helps me see when I’m wrapped in a drama triangle, which is really helpful.

And, Michael Bungay Stanier’s latest book calls out something I do all the time. It’s called ‘The Advice Trap’. As a rescuer (he describe my preferred style as ‘save it’ , my default problem solving persona is to offer advice to help others out, rather than developing more productive coaching behaviours.

But the subtitle of the book intrigued me even more than the title, because it outlines two characteristics I think I do display (at least sometimes: ‘be humble, stay curious’ and the remainder of the the subtitle is my aim: ‘and change the way you lead forever’.

To find out more, I headed over to his website, and what do I find? Not only really useful downloads and exercises, but Michael has an online free course: The Year of Living Brilliantly which looks right up my street…. so I have signed up! I’ve watched the first two videos, and already I’m challenged to engage better. I’ll no doubt keep you posted with progress and my thoughts about the course.

The Advice Trap is a really easy book to read, and I found myself nodding, and clearly picturing times when I’ve fallen into unhelpful patterns of behaviour. But the time is now to do the ‘hard change’ and to practice, so that everyone can benefit.

Practice, practice, practice.

Read the book. You won’t regret it. And find out more about The Year of Living Brilliantly here